Tuesday, June 22, 2010
So yesterday was my husband and I's 2 year wedding anniversary. Wow, two years of being married. I never imagined myself being married and I'm sure my friends thought the same thing. I was just a wild, crazy party girl that enjoyed worrying about just me. I wouldn't change a thing about my life now. I never realized what I was missing until I met my amazing husband Kenny. We have been throught it ALL together and we're still so much in love. It's awesome how easy it is to still be so happy!!! I remember the night before my wedding, and the rehersal dinner. I pulled my best friend (at the time) outside and I started bawling. I begged her to please talk me out of getting married. "What the hell am I doing??? You know I shouldn't be getting married!" I was so scared of what was about to happen the next day. The cold feet sure kicked in then. Kat stood in front of me, put her hands on my shoulders and said, "Heather, somehow you have found the best guy in the whole world. He treats you like a queen and loves you more than I thought was possible for someone to love another. You are going to be so happy and I know just from the looks on your faces the past couple years, that you are both meant to be!" Wow did I feel better after that. I guess I just wanted someone to tell me not to do it so I wouldn't do it myself...because it was something so new to me and I was terrified of making a mistake of something so huge and important. After hearing that from her, I felt so stupid for even thinking that way. I was happy...VERY happy!!! I married my husband and it was the happiest day of my whole entire life! Sometimes I just want to pinch myself to make sure I am not dreaming. A little background on my love life.. I have dated a lot of guys, have been engaged 3 times, and have been hurt by almost all of the guys. The first guy I was engaged to was Daniel. I was 16 and I thought I was so in love. Turns out, he asked EVERY girl he ever dated to marry him. Yea, that didn't work out. Second guy was Jon. We were together for 4 years and engaged for 3 1/2. The first couple of years were great and then the love was lost. I stopped caring and so did he. We only stayed together after that because it was what we were "used to". I met Kenny and he stood by my side through all the crap with Jon. He patiently waited as the girl of his dreams was with someone else. Finally the day came I grew some balls and left! I realized that there was better out there for me, and I shouldn't have to just settle. As I watch all my friends get married and then divorced so young, I learned marriage is way more important to me. Yes there are situations where you need to just get out of the marriage, but I wanted to be sure it would be forever like the vows say. After all the shitty boyfriends I had, I finally found that one person I can honestly say with all my heart, I will be with FOREVER!! I can already picture us as old folks chasing each other around in our hover rounds. He's just so amazing! :-)
Sunday, June 20, 2010
I wake up with a horrible pain in my head. I feel as if someone threw a rock at me. I can barely open my eyes because the light brings even more pain. I moan in agony. “I guess that’s what you get when you drink too much” Jon says as he throws me the Tylenol. (Kelly, Steven and my two brothers Chris and Mike came over last night.) I roll my eyes and get up. Something in the air was telling me it would be a bad day. I take a shower and make myself something to eat, which finally eases the pain of my headache. Late afternoon I go outside to check on my dog Angel. She’s pregnant and would be having puppies any day now. My neighbor Gary was outside and came to the fence to talk to me. “Hey neighbor” I said as I walked over. Gary was a much older man. He lived in his home alone, and didn’t have many friends or family. He spent most of his time on his amazing garden of everything you could imagine. As we are standing there talking, Angel starts moaning a sound I’ve never heard. “It’s time for the puppies” Gary screams in excitement. “I’ll be right over to help!” I yell for Jon and run over to her. She’s definitely about to have them. We all crowd around Angel as she delivers her first one. It was the most amazing experience to watch as she had them. One by one they keep coming. Finally the last one comes out. Number nine at about 6:00. It starts raining so we scatter each with puppies in our hands and Angel chasing after us to get them all inside the house. I was keeping them in the bathroom for now. As soon as we get them all in the bathroom, my phone rings. “Hello?” It’s my mom. “Did Michael get in touch with you” she cries out. My heart drops and I know something is very wrong. I lean my body up against the wall. “No he didn’t what?” No response. “Mom, what is it??” I start to cry. “You need to get to the hospital.” There is long pause. “It’s Chris, he was in an accident” she replies. I feel as if my legs stop working and my body slides down the wall to the floor. “Was he on his bike?” I scream in tears. “I don’t know but please hurry!” she says and hangs up. My body goes limp and I can’t move a muscle. I sit there and scream, tears pouring down my face. The pain inside is so unbearable. I already knew he was on his bike, and something was telling me it wouldn’t be ok. Jon and Kelly run over to me as I try to tell them what my mom said. They hurry me to the truck and we head to the hospital. “Everything’s going to be ok, we promise” Kelly and Jon try to convince me to make me feel better and calm me down. “No, it’s really not. You don’t understand. He didn’t make it. I know it. He was on his motorcycle. That’s my brother and my heart feels empty. He’s gone!” After what seemed like the longest ride of my life, we finally make it to the hospital. As we pull up to the emergency room door, my whole body covers with chills. I run inside and am told to meet the rest of my family in the family room. “That’s never a good sign” I think to myself. As I enter the room, I see my mother and father holding each other crying. There is also a doctor standing in there with them. “What happened??” I scream. “Ma’am please calm down. We have to wait for your whole family before we talk to you.” My brother Michael wasn’t there yet. “Don’t tell me to calm down!!” I scream at the doctor, also with a few more not so nice words. I run outside with a pain in my heart as if I had just been stabbed. I see Michael walking inside the hospital. “Have you told them yet?” a nurse standing near me asks a doctor. “No not yet. I want the whole family in there before they get the bad news. I feel so bad for them all.” I fall to the ground knowing they are talking about us. My brother runs over and gets me up and we head back to the family room. By this time there is now a priest in the room too. The door opens behind us and doctors start walking in. There were so many that I couldn’t even count them. “I’m really sorry to inform you all, but Chris got into a motorcycle accident. We tried everything we could to help him. I’m sorry!” I fall into my father’s arms screaming at the doctors to get out. Everyone trying to calm me down but they knew it was pointless and stopped trying. I had just lost my brother, my best friend, he was twenty two years old and there is no way I’m going to calm down. “I just saw him last night. He can’t be gone!” I cry. We are told we can go back to the room and see him if we wanted. I let my parents go first and I went outside with my little brother. We proceeded to call friends and family and tell them of the bad news. It was the most horrible thing to have to call people about. Shortly after, our parents came outside in tears. Now it’s my brother and I’s turn. I take a deep breath and walk inside. The room we walk into looks like a surgery room of some sort and it was so big and quiet. There is a curtain in front of where Chris was. I move the curtain with chills going down my spine and tears rolling down my face. I see my brother lying there, lifeless on the bed. I walk over and put my hand on his hand. It’s so cold and I fall to the ground still holding his freezing cold hand. I sit there and talk to him for a couple minutes. I believe he can still hear me even though he can’t respond. I was so overwhelmed with all the feelings and emotions so I finally walked back outside. By that time, there was a crowd of people outside the emergency door here for me and my family. I felt like I hugged hundreds of people and heard “I’m sorry” so many times but nothing could make me feel better. The pain I felt seemed like it would never go away. There was a part of me that just wanted God to take me too just so I could be with my brother. I’m sure we all felt that way. Hours later, my parents and most of the other people there for us left and headed home. I sat down in front of the emergency room doors and leaned against the wall. I just wasn’t ready to go. I felt like I was with my brother and I just didn’t want to leave him. Finally I knew I needed to try and get some sleep. The next few days were going to be very stressful and sad. Jon, Kelly and I headed home. The ride there was so silent. Not a word said. The only sound you could here were sniffles coming from all of us every now and then. Everyone knew there was nothing they could say to make this any better, so nothing was said at all. I thought about what time my brother died. It makes me think about Angel having her puppies. The same time the last puppy was born, my brother died. I knew there was something special about that puppy now and I was going to keep him.